Woeful crypto buying

It all started in the womb. The darkness hiding dangers that can at any moment jump out and rip the world I know apart. The light came, but nothing has changed.

Oh, wait...

Wrong story.

It started when I wanted to buy some crypto with my card. You would think card services in 2021/22 are able to process things without a problem.

You would be wrong. They also are incapable of telling you why they are incapable of processing an order.

Now I get some countries have issues and all countries have trash regulations. The point is if one works and the other does not work. Then that makes it a trash company, working with a trash country and they both eat ass.

So, I have Celsius _{^{Referral Link}} which I started using so @trumpman can get his $50 referral bonus for me holding more than $400 for 30 days, and I got $50 too.

They really won me over when on day 31 I transferred the bitcoin out and they covered the fees. Ah huh, they basically paid me to leave.

So here I am thinking oh how convenient. I then want to buy someone some BTC for xmas and all that jazz but since they don't know shit about crypto. I figure well give them the base value and I will just put it in Celsius for the interest.

Seems fair enough, and I can just keep adding... You can see where this is going. I try to then use Celsius with my card but no go. Then I thought let me not use a generated debit card instead use my actual debit card. Again, even though I approve in my bank app it just fails.

Now I actually expected it to fail. Celsius uses Simplex to handle the card processing. Simplex then proceeds to ask you the length of your dick and or cupsize.

Any card processing that "requires" this info tends to fail because they flag something on your account. Since they ask Address and beyond you don't know which piece of information is not 100% accurate.

So I said fuck that and used the one option I currently knew would work but has a 2 day delay. Valr , is a South African crypto exchange which is the only other option I trust. The problem with them is they insist on only using bank transfers.

Fucking snailfunding in this day and age.

So I buy my damn BTC and transfer it to Celsius. Still very persistent to get it to them although the bile is starting rise.

I go to Celsius and somehow end on a page called coins.

Now there is a crucial piece of information I do not notice on this page. I did think it rather odd that the coins I had selected do not have an address. I rationalized this is some kind of feature where I generate my own. Fortunately the BTC coin did have one already.

So I copy the address and go to VALR to withdraw my BTC. Valr pulled a magic trick and I only paid $3 for the withdrawal. This is relevant to the next part.

If you look at the coins screenshot again, you will see it says "Whitelist EXTERNAL addresses" , so yeah.

I did not send my BTC to Celsius as I thought. Fortunately if I whitelisted it then chances are likely I can find it. When the transaction cleared on Valr I went to go look.

Five minutes later I found it on Binance. I still want to go to Celsius. Withdrawal fee is $30 , deposit value is only $100...

So now my BTC is only getting 3% on Binance because I was sick and tired of all the crypfuckulation.

I then saw something about Moonpay in the Hive keychain... Although I think Hive has been delisted, but I also noted Splinterlands mention it.

So now I am on a roll and I try my card with them. Obviously I buy BNB because from BSC I can buy SPS or CUB and move it into Tribaldex maybe for HBD or more DEC.

_{I bet that cub being a real word screwed your flow}

Point is once you are on BSC or maybe Polygon even then the world is your oyster.

With Moonpay I use my generated throw away debit card and boom shit just works. I really liked that they sent it directly to a wallet I own, again a reason to use a cheap starting network.

I also noticed after painstakingly converting Hive to ETH in the hopes of buying some Gods Unchained packs that Immutable, the company behind GU uses Moonpay.

So if you intend to buy GU packs with money, or heck even with ETH it is probably best to pay the $5 fee and use your card vs the ETH wrapping fee of $40+ to add ETH to your account.

So I never did use the ETH to buy packs, instead I sent the ETH to celsius because I still had nothing there and figured I might as well keep the trash coin. I left the BTC on Binance until a later date.

So now I am looking at options like NEXO, since Celsius did piss me off and when it comes down to it I will take the hit in costs so I can consolidate all my "forget" tokens in one place.