The Sacrifice Of My Cryptocurrency Adoption - A Deep Reflection After Almost 5 Years
4 years and 11 months. That's my tenure in cryptocurrency, which hits 5 years next month. Holy s.h.*.t.
As you know, years in crypto are not your average years. They literally feel like dog years.
I had my big chance several years before then as an ex-friend who developed a Bitcoin betting site refused to tell me how to buy Bitcoin when I asked. He said to "get a wallet and figure it out on my own." This was idiotic advice to give when I had no experience or idea what a wallet was, but it doesn't take much to deter the first curiosities of crypto. Everyone has their story.
Starting with an exchange account probably would've given me some type of starting point to buy tokens, not just have an empty wallet. Regardless, letting that discourage me to forget about it for years haunts me. With the resources I had then, and my penchant to get very involved in new things, life would be quite different today.
Thankfully in 2017 I brute forced my way to learn how to buy crypto. I took about 1.5 months to finally get on an exchange I was able to access and initially tried to be cute with small buys and sells. After a week or two, I realized that this wasn't the way to go, and bought my biggest bag out of semi-blind faith. Thank God I did that then because ETH started soaring while I slept that night... fate and all the difference.
As I've held about 99%+ of my crypto over this time, I've experienced the full gamut of emotions and experience. I've absorbed so much information, seen so many events come and go, and have researched an unthinkable amount. I've learned to stomach large paper gains and large paper losses with little emotion. I've become desensitized to and hardened by 24/7 trading activity. Fiat means nothing to me anymore and I want nothing to do with it. I've held strong through the thickest and the thinnest, for better or for worse. I also dare to say that I've become deeply experienced in the space where I'm keen on trying to formally educate people for a side-hustle. I don't talk about it much on Hive, but 5 years of intensive research, building and activity leaves its mark.
Independent of my buys above, I distinctly remember cancelling my first order for several Bitcoin at $775 because some YouTube TA guru said that support just broke and the price was going to drop to $750. [Forehead slap.] Being so new to the space meant that I defaulted to seek advice from others instead of making decisions based on the bigger picture to simply start getting in the market. Ironically, my buy order was the precise bottom, and I let it go through my fingers to be my second biggest early mistake. To be realistic, making a sizable purchase on your first exchange by yourself without experts to learn from is a difficult thing to do after you've already spent 1.5 months trying to find an exchange that didn't reject your KYC. While I still got in good, I could've gotten in golden. Those 45 days were brutal as I watch alt coins start to surge from the sidelines.
Fast forward a little to a bad relationship with someone who resented my interest in crypto. After letting her influence me that my newfound passion took too much of my attention, I allowed myself to try to break my 1 year hold commitment and sell the vast majority of my tokens on a sharp dip to try to accumulate more on the drop. This failed tragically and I lost 30% of my stack within, well, let's just say 30 minutes to be safe. It took years to reaccumulate that loss.
My ex said she "wanted a man who cared about real money." Ironically her ex was in Bitcoin long before me and I've held my own, so it looks like he and I may get the last laughs. I can still see the 1 ETH I sent her as an $80 (high at the time) birthday gift sitting in the same wallet, keys lost, or they've forgot it's there. That's too bad.
After a year of banning all trading activities, I remember being roughly 10-10 on small scalp trades as I tried to build my confidence after my first debacle. This was during a time when my Dad (who later disowned me) was coming into my city for frequent chemo treatments and doctor visits. I recall having one great trade in the works then, but was cutting it tight on meeting my parents at the doctor that day. I'd made it to every local appointment since his diagnosis, unaware that he resented me and would ultimately choose to do what he did, but it wasn't even a question that I'd be as supportive as I could before he exploded at me later.
Feeling pressure to leave, there was a distinct moment at my laptop knowing that despite the trade almost being ripe to execute, I instead said "fvck it" and sent the funds to my bank to focus on more important things. I made it to the appointment and came home to see that the trade would've been a big win, which stung, but I remained steadfast that I needed to focus on family. Outside of some basic defi swaps since or moving assets for operations, I've never traded for profit again. NEVER. This was many years ago.
As I fell down the cryptocurrency/blockchain rabbit hole, I realized that few people I knew wanted to join me. I got one baseball teammate involved from scratch very early and we were confidants. This was essential as we struggled to handle extreme volatility around the clock for the first time. In the end, he did extremely well and is riding all of his tokens for free now. He sold a lot way too soon, but his stomach couldn't handle the swings as much as I could. He did it for his health and I didn't want to stop him. For me, selling wasn't an option. I've since gotten a small group of people to listen enough to realize that I'm onto something, and some are swimming on their own now. The others invested low and are simply holding, waiting for my advice on when to make moves, or when to claim airdrops (not ideal). One is actually full-time crypto with his wife and is fully immersed as I am. That's extremely rewarding for me, especially since they learned from scratch and are now fluent in what will probably give them a significant edge in the future.
As for the rest I've tried to reach, I can't even begin to count the amount of days of time I've spent trying to get through. Some have tried to listen and simply can't grasp it. Almost nobody shows initiative, and most rely on me to come to them about it. As much as I want to help, doing this for years ultimately isn't called for or healthy. I'm not trying to convert their religion, but I want them to benefit from what I know and learn along the way for themselves. Unfortunately, some people are merely content as is, remain disinterested, or feel that not having funds to invest makes it out as not worth their time to learn. How backwards that is. Many are also intimidated by certain concepts and unfairly pigeonhole things. Others can't get beyond caring about price. Whatever their reasons, so few have seen the broader issues and how decentralization and blockchain can help them -- even when financial investment isn't involved. At least I'm at peace knowing that I patiently tried.
As for me today, I do sometimes wonder if I've gone too far down this track. Fiat bores me, non-blockchain business doesn't appeal, traditional markets are the last place I'd ever want to put my money, and I find myself delving more into new crypto projects/games/nfts/defi to always have more to uncover.
Am I simply a millennial that's afraid of a real job, or is it ok to feel conviction for many years now that this is the way of the future?
I truly don't know what I'd do if blockchain went away because it's opened my eyes to how many of our freedoms are taken from us, while most are oblivious or distracted (often by design, or conveniently to avoid conflict). Perhaps I'd continue with my recycling adventures, and most certainly get back into drumming with a band to pursue performing again.
Generally speaking, instead of traveling the world, outside of some crypto conferences before Covid, I find myself traveling across digital platforms and blockchain game worlds. This is necessary for adoption now, but probably not going to make me happy in the long run. I want to be in early and reap the benefits of doing so, and that means sacrificing time in the real world to make sure I'm taking advantage of early mover status. The last thing I'd ever want to be doing for the rest of my life is play-to-earn as an avatar. My true goal is to be connected with nature, play the drums every day somewhere where neighbors can't complain, metal detect to find relics, and be fully financially independent.For some reason, I can't shake the feeling that crypto is my train ride to that end game, so I live lean and mean to make sure I don't shoot myself in the foot by selling too soon. I also prefer to live off of interest from these coins, so having them generate yield is far more appealing than getting taxes on the fiat I cash out, including the invisible tax. The upside of holding crypto is so disproportionally immense, and the worst case is $0. I can live with that.
^However, can I live with potentially isolating myself by not being able to relate with non-crypto people as much as I used to? It sometimes feel like we're living on different channels, focused on vastly different things. The same goes for my recycling as thousands of people can walk by something on the curbs I'll instantly recognize and grab to sell for hundreds of dollars.
I guess not everyone values the same things, or sees value in things the same.
Thankfully Steem (in the past), Hive, and Discord have been places where I can commiserate with like-minded people who just seem to get it. As most around me in real life don't, it's important to not feel so alone in my thinking, or judged as the crypto guy.
I distinctly remember one time when I was trying to teach my family about crypto while my Dad was in another room. Since I'd quit my job at a top tier global bank and wasted his tuition money, he hated what I did, among plenty of other unjustified things. However, I'll always remember how he sheepishly came into the room and sat down to listen to what I was saying. He didn't look at me or say anything. While he was probably clueless on the topics, it was a moment I'll always remember. It was a small victory.
I'll be honest that I had a unique goal for after I ultimately held a certain X number of asset value. Cryptocurrency is my ticket for this and it's a large reason why I've held so tightly, sacrificing SO much normalcy along the way. I live very frugally, but I don't need to. I drop every dime I can into crypto because I believe in the vision, its future, and to get me closer to my goal.
So what was that goal? I swore that the only time I'd ever visit my Dad who foolishly disowned my just before his death was when I hit that goal. I wanted him to know that he was very wrong about me and that he was the one who failed me, not the other way around. I wanted to say out loud that I did it all on my own, without work-related heart attacks as he had, without dinners at home complaining about corporate politics and "Jim's emails," without the extensive stress that trickled throughout the household, that made vacations feel like we won the lottery...
^The funny thing was that I got really close to that number in the Fall, but not quite. At this point, if that target does ever come, I'm not sure if I'd even want to go visit him. I think it's better off to maybe leave it alone and have our last interaction be me actually kissing him on his forehead after telling him that all of his abuse was not ok, but that I'd handle it for him after he goes in peace, for him to watch some of my baseball games, that he was forgiven, and (cringe), that I loved him. I tried to do the right thing and should probably leave it there instead. I don't think it'd be taking the high road because my closure is important, but I'll just have to feel it out after I celebrate for myself.
Money or wealth doesn't solved problems, but it sure is a good way to demonstrate proof to those who misjudge priorities in life that I didn't need to sell my soul to a corporation to spend my life working to make someone else rich. I've never worked a day in the last ~7 years since quitting my job, and know that I'm savvy enough to make my own way as I have. I've made it this long and have the ammunition to see it all the way through if I continue to patiently hold for the ride.
In the meantime, can I stomach the further sacrifice until the say comes when I allow myself to enjoy my means? Will the world flourish to adopt crypto/blockchain so I don't feel like such an outsider anymore? Will I be able to speak to people who simply get this new paradigm shift in real life or in my relationships to be fully intellectually stimulated? Or, will I keep floating with the current in hopes that my faith will land me in the right place to have this all be worth it?
Time will tell, but staying on the path I've chosen, the one most don't take, will be the difference. I just hope it's for the best, and that one day, I'll know that I stripping myself from a comfortable life, with a cushy job, strong six-figure salary at a top global bank, with it all laid out to coast... to be spending 6 years salvaging curbside recycling to help our environment, while trusting in the promise of good cryptocurrencies was the best move I ever made.
I've written about some heavy stuff in the past in line with my Dad above, and my Mom's terrible car accident with guardian angels (including my Dad as one in the photo), and may reapproach some of this soon since it helps with wounds that never seem to fully heal. Heavy.
Time to go out at 2 AM in 21 degrees to try to save some stuff because I want to win.
Thank you for reading, @steemmatt
