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I have accountability anxiety... Do you???

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@young-boss-karin
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Certain things are considered a norm in Nigerian society. They aren't right, they're just what's expected from a person who works in a Nigerian office and if you don't do it, it's weird. I didn't realize how bad it was expected until I worked at an office for 9 months immediately after graduation. It wasn't even up for question. Everyone expected me to do it and I did. It still haunts me but I'm learning to realize that it is what it is.

At my recent employment, the manager was in charge of this act. She became so money was drawn and conscious about everything due to her previous experience with that same company. I kept wondering who she would get tired from a job and then accept to be employed by the same CEO. The same corner just a different name and location. It was stupid.

Anyways, it became her norm to be anything but 100% honest with her employer. While she managed to cover up a lot that was done with the other employees, she found ways to gain some extra funds by covering up a bunch of stuff.

I know why she did it and I supported her. I wouldn't have the heart to do it but then again, I wouldn't have the heart to keep that kind of job. Hence why I quit after only 9 months.

This act involved padding budgets and underspending. It's normal. It always happens. No supervisor will follow an employee to the market to buy random things when there's a lot of work to be done. And if the supervisor follows you they're irresponsible and incapable of doing their duties and employing trustworthy staff.

The fact that I know almost everyone does this and those who don't are considered stupid makes me anxious when I have to handle public funds.

I've never been accused of spending carelessly by a group due to this anxiety. I've always taken pride in my ability to be as transparent as possible but I wonder what could happen to this transparency if I get to handle a large number of public funds. I'm talking figures I can't begin to pronounce.

In cases like that, there's absolutely no way the funds won't go into some black hole. If I decide not to do it, someone else will and then there will be a chain of bad decisions.

I can't imagine how bad my anxiety would be in such a case or if I would just give up and succumb.

The time I did something similar at the office I worked, it could have easily been overlooked because even though I didn't contribute to the overall budget, I still spent my money on transportation, market survey and market movements.

What's crazy is that even though I still spent my money I felt sad because my money wasn't added to the budget. I felt dirty. I felt like I stole money when I didn't. It was like an insult to my accountability because I couldn't tell them I didn't contribute even though I went through a lot of stress at the market and ran all the errands on my account.

I'm that anxious.

I don't know if I'm the only living Nigerian with this much accountability anxiety coz sometimes it feels that way.

Do you have that same feeling or you've learnt to live with it and damn the consequences?

Thanks for reading


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