THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE FROM YOUR Government
Dear Fellow Countrymen,
"As you know we are in a Global Health Crisis,
Therefore, we have unilaterally and unanimously passed the following laws.
All tobacco and alcohol stores will be IMMEDIATELY CLOSED as smoking during a pandemic that attacks the throat and lungs is quite obviously dangerous for everyone's health. Alcohol lowers the immune system so has been temporarily banned.
All fast-food outlets such as, but not limited to McDonald's and Burger King will be closed as they do not promote health or adequate nutrition.
Free organic vegetables and fruit will be given to all citizens instead, and foods that are overly processed, contain GMO ingredients or an excess of sugar will be removed from store shelves.
Supplements of Vitamin D as well as Vitamin C and Zinc will be sent to every door by USPS Mail.
We encourage laughter, joy and connecting with your loved ones as it will boost your immune system as well as deep breathing of clean, unfiltered outside air and going out into nature daily.
We encourage you go to your local park and stand barefoot for 15 minutes a day.
All TV shows and streaming services promoting Horror, suffering and Dystopian scenarios will be stopped until global health is returned as mental positivity and focus boosts your immune system.
You are encouraged to get maximum sunlight and exercise. All employees who can demonstrate they are exercising will receive a 5% pay increase for the next 4 months.
All gyms are compelled to offer 15% off and remain OPEN as science shows physical exercise promotes mental and physical well-being.
There will be no fixed penalty notices given by police as we understand these are times of financial hardship. Police will instead be sent to support small businesses and those in need of assistance.
Large chain stores and superstore corporations will be temporarily halted in order to give small and family businesses a chance to survive these pressing times.
All gas, water and utility bills will be cut by 50% until we are all out of national emergency status.
Thank you. We love you and together we will all be healthy."
And that's totally what they said right? Because they actually do care about your health, right?
Please wake up and take your health into your own hands. Turn off your TV. This is not about your health or anyone else's. It NEVER was.
A pissed off
Small business owner!
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