Everything in my life has been turned upside down lately, and has left me in a place where I am unsure about the people I associate with (and I mean everyone), and the life I am living. I did not think it was possible to feel so much betrayal and dishonesty in such a short period of time, and I honestly thought the worst of experiencing those type of things in my life was behind me.. but I have never been so wrong.
As untrusting as I have been with people in the past, it obviously was not untrusting enough. I will never trust ANYONE completely again, and I have no good reason to change that perspective based on the compilation of all my experiences in life. It is unwise to give my trust to other human beings... period. They are not worthy as a species. I now trust in myself only.
With this in mind, I also have not been feeling loved, and no one is fighting for me in ways I really need them to, "friends" or otherwise. So, since no one would even so much as give me a flower to make up for wronging me, or just simply to make me feel like I am worthy of SOMETHING, I decided that only I can love me, and show me the love I need to feel right now.. as sad as that is.
After coming to this conclusion - I originally thought I should buy myself a rose... instead I decided to buy myself a moss plant to keep me company more permanently at the desk where I create. Additionally, since no one is reminding me of who I REALLY am... I dug deep into my subconscious, and found my true self speaking back to me. That is when I wrote the following letter TO myself, FROM myself.
There are two sides of my being, the side that knows my TRUE power, and all the energy I have the potential to wield at any given moment, and my other side - the side that is constantly pelted by the world and it's people, calling into question the true power of my real self.. and making my true self feel like he no longer exists. Since this is a constant battle, I decided to write this letter to myself so I can read it to myself daily, as a reminder that even though no one else may recognize it, I know who I really am deep down. The letter goes as follows:
I love you because of the immense energy you possess and weild. I only wish to see you grab your destiny completely and without fear, allowing you to always weild your power. You are worthy of a life that is fair to you, and your codes of conduct. You deserve to be surrounded by other honorable and respectful humans, and you deserve a partner that you do not have to worry about being unfaithful and dishonest with you. You deserve the life THAT YOU WANT. You should have personal time in your own energy, to be able to tune in with the right frequencies of creation, so you can receive, decipher, and reorient ancient etheric transmissions from the universe, in poetic and beautiful form - divine gifts for humanity, and light codes to unlock treasures of human minds. You are a rare force in this world, that has the power to harness ELAmental forces whenever you surrender to the flow of life. You truly are an ELAmental being - you are one with the elements and commune wih the language of Gaia when she speaks with you... YOU FEEL EVERYTHING! Do not let anyone tell you that you are crazy again when your intuition is giving you strong signals. You already know your high level of intuition, as well as how much it has amplified recently, but still you are modest, always considering every possibility to give logic it's fair due (even in the most difficult circumstances). This is an earmark of a truly wise individual.
You are even wise enough to realize that you can always learn something from someone else, even if they generally know less than you, or are not as intelligent as you are. Conversely, you know there is always something you can teach another, and are discerning enough to understand when your energy will be wasted on someone unwilling to give your teachings a chance, or just simply will not listen.
Sass - you are a powerful, intelligent, intuitive, crafty individual, who has many outstanding attributes, both physically and spiritually. Do not let the things you do not like about yourself define who you are, instead improve all you can, and learn to love what you cannot. You have been blessed with abilities and opportunities many people only dream about, and you have been able to harness a good portion of your potential. Your energy is greatly needed in this world, but its time you AND the world get's the FULL ELAmental force you both deserve, whatever that takes, whatever that means. If you are still scared to take that leap, always remember the few TRUE friends that will be there to walk with you, will always respected you, and will never dishonor your relationship with you no matter what. But over all else, REMEMBER YOUR TRUE POWER AND YOUR POWER OF TRUTH - and all the etheric abilities that come along with it. Never doubt yourself again with ANYTHING - TRUST IN YOURSELF. You deserve to have room FOR YOU IN YOUR LIFE, just you. You are too important to exclude yourself and your feelings from your life's equation at any time. You deserve to attract the same energy and treatment in relationships that you have so graciously given for so many years, and you will. Do not get hung up on the one thing you see as something you did wrong, it was not something you could avoid, and you confronted it in the best way possible without going too far... what happened is not your fault, no matter how much you, or anyone else wants to believe it is. You have a HUGE heart, and just because so many people in your life have taken advantage of you because of that, does not mean that you will not find what you are meant for in it's own due time. Do not give up on hope that you can trust people again - someone will eventually show you why you should, I promise. Finally, and most importantly, you deserve to love yourself, and you should... because you are the best thing that ever happened to you.
Love, ELAmental Your true self.
Do not forget that my debut conscious Hip-Hop album is completely free for download on Bandcamp and Soundcloud (click the links to go to my music on those platforms), or CLICK HERE for download instructions.