Deutsche Bank now going to charge for keeping your money.... And Christine Legarde's big dongle..

Well, it has been a long time coming - and it's finally here.

While anyone with an IQ over 25, and a belief in actual reality could see this coming with the same certainty of the sun rising in the morning, but it seems that many have been taken by surprise.
Admittedly, most of them seem to have business degrees and PHD's in economic's fortune telling.
They seem to have thought that MMT - modern monetary theory ,was an actual thing (Yes, seriously).

The ECB first unleashed negative rates across Europe back in 2014, and any sane banks were loathe to match the central bank's deposit rates.
That's mainly because of the fact that it's the most insane policy ever created in the history of mankind.
(with the possible exception of DPOS - but that's for another report).

The premise of paying a bank for the privilege of holding your money is still absolutely insane to most normal people.

But as we all know, most bankers are far from sane.
For example,they enjoy going out to the office everyday, working 70 hours a week, to buy a house that they never see - due to all the time they spend at the office. ('Totally out to lunch' by any measure of sanity).

I digress....

As the years went by and the European Central Banks's negative rates kept rising ('dropping'), banks were finally forced to admit that due to banking policies instituted over a century ago, they were now totally, and utterly, fucked.

European banks started imposing negative deposit rates while hoping they could avoid going all the way down to the smaller savers accounts.
(They didn't really think this of course, because mathematical reality dictate otherwise- but Christine Legard told them all to say this to make the sheep feel better). She said "The fact that I have some very serious shit on every single bank director in Europe has no bearing on their decision to omit this little teensy weensy little bit of information from the public."

Last November, Deutsche Bank vowed that it would pass on negative interest rates only to larger corporate customers or the deposits of wealthy individuals and spare most retail clients.

Herr Fibbenschisse said "Smaller depositors would be 100% completely safe from having their money taken off them, unless We like, really, really, need it."

Deputy Chief Executive Officer Karl von Whor, explained that German banks have already paid several billion euros in penalty rates for their deposits with the European Central Banks.
He said "It's really not very fair. We hate it when we have to give money away, that's not how it's meant to work at all."

The Frankfurt-based bank has now capitulated so as to avoid paying the ECB's punitive rates. This has nothing to do with Legarde having over 4GB's worth of recorded material that concerns several top Bankers taking a trip to an undisclosed destination in the Caribbean.
When this information was leaked out, Christine Legarde read a statement at a press conference. She said, " Lets just say that the number 14 that you've heard mentioned, wasn't referring to the number of bankers on the Lolita express ."

A Deutsche Bank spokesman said that that "The ongoing pressure from negative interest rates makes it necessary for Deutsche Bank to charge custody fees for new accounts exceeding €100,000 starting May 18, 2020.

He went on to say,

"As from January 2021, any new accounts depositing more than $17.33 cents with us, will also be subject to the same rules".

"This helps us immensely," he said, " because we're able to keep stealing other peoples money. But above all, it helps us to prevent the plates from stopping spinning and crashing to the floor. It's something that we at the banks have been trying so very hard to prevent, for as long as we can remember."

In other words, with the ECB flooding the European financial system with a tsunami of bullshit, the spinning plates will be kept going for a little while longer.

Europe's banks no longer need any deposits as they've taken all the real tangible assets of any actual value, awhile back.

An anonymous source told us that 'They will now do everything they can to push away all the small depositors'.

As Herr Fuckemall the anonymous source said " The peasants can't be bled anymore, they're dry - so why bother wasting our time with them ? Admin costs are a real bastard."

We asked the Bankers what happens next?

Herr fuckemall said " I don't have a bloody clue, to be honest, but if Christine says anything about that trip last year, I'll be taking legal action for slander.
14 is not a crime in some countries, you know.
I never bothered to check out the Caribbean's legal situation concerning this and I accept that.
My bad."