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Ivanka Trump on the current crisis : Once you've tried black, you need new boots...

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Due to possibly of being shouted at by the OCD community for cross posting my own posts, i have omitted from doing so. The incredibly hilarious post in the 'funny' community is here for your perusal (and up voting).

Also, due to my frivolity fortnight (that lasts seven days), It must be noted that I may be an extremely annoying twat, with regards cross posting.
('frivolity weeks' always come with the price of not being able to take anything seriously). If you have any mercy in your hearts, please forgive any future transgressions regarding the OCD policy and crossposting, for this next week.

Failure to do so, will only result in OCD community looking like really miserable buggers - and no one wants that, do they?

So here we go. A BBC world exuse-ive for the news..

The BBC has released a report today, after spending several hours yesterday, undercover.

They have revealed exclusively how the oil price futures markets, (and the current massive decline in prices of crude oil) were all orchestrated, personally, by Donald Trump. Anonymous sources nowhere near The White House, have revealed that President Trump has, through several complex financial transactions, has caused the collapse of the oil markets.
These transaction involve both his current account and both of his 'pensioner super saver' deposit accounts. Our source also tells us that it's 'most probable', that Vladimir Putin is also involved.

What appears to have happened, (according to our expert in futures, Miss Gypsy Lee), is that the short selling in furious fast market manipulations between different countries(but mostly Russia) caused the very sophisticated computer algorithms in the market traders offices, to give up and say, 'fuck it'. (this statement by IBM's super duper computer: "0000100001111 010110")

It's not yet been confirmed,by some people that can't confirm anything, but it now appears that President Trump is now the sole hoarder of all the worlds oil reserves.(but is painfully low on toilet tissue).

When we asked him about this at the press conference, he refused to answer directly, but said 'Saving for a rainy day, is a beautiful, beautiful thing'.

While this strategy will most probably make him the richest man in the world, not everyone is very happy about it.

When Ivanka Trump was interviewed by one of our reporters (who's name shall remain anonymous), she explained her feelings about her dad's recent acquisitions.

" I can't honestly say that approve of this, but he's my Dad, what ya going to do?" She went onto say that things have gotten out of control in regards to the oil storage.

"It's fucking everywhere!" She said, very obviously exasperated, "It's in all our the baths and sinks, and in all our cups and saucers... We've even had to start filling up my knee length boots with the shit. My first 3,590 pairs are gonna be totally ruined!"

Ivanka Trump tries to keep her chin despite the circumstances (most probably due to poisoning issues)

It appears that President Trump has called in a lot of favors to help in his oil storage problem. Our long time friend and peoples hero, John Podesta, even had a call from the White house. "He said to me that there's a short prison sentence, and a slice of pizza in it for me, if I could just keep hold of a few gallons."

John then went to explain that he couldn't be part of any nefarious or illegal operations and apart from that, he was holding tanker loads of it already, from his friend, Hillary.

Mr. Podesta went on to say that "At least Marina (Abramović) will have plenty of combustibles for our spirit cooking session, later."

The hero of the hour, John Podesta, has had some tough months ever since Obama left the Whitehouse.

"It's not too bad" He said smiling benevolently, (and not creepily at all), " I'd much prefer oil baths over the water type...Hillary told me that I did, anyway."_

American model and actress, (pictured below) Kate Upton, is on her way to the arctic, to roll around in an oil well. This has nothing to do with Donald Trump's oil, and we couldn't think of a link to include her in the story...but We really liked the photograph.

Actress Kate Upton's opinion, on todays global oil crisis..."Oil is black"

Disclaimer: Kate Uptons words are not not representative of The BBC's opinions, and we feel oil is best described as 'colored'.
She has now been ostracized from civilization and her career is now non existent.