Free speech on money

I was talking to a friend at work today about putting an offer in on a house and then about other finance related topics and realized how natural it was to talk about money, the good and the bad. I found this interesting considering that once upon a time, I was not the type of person that would talk about money, and definitely not when concerning a lack of it. What I believe is that my time on stem with an open wallet and so much financial talk has made me more transparent in many ways as I see more benefit in the openness than the hiding.

Don't get me wrong here, I still find a lot of money talk quite abhorrent, especially bragging about how much one has or constantly mentioning the price of things without being prompted, but that is not what I am talking about. Like most things, intention and approach matters and when one is authentic and open, generally any topic is acceptable to talk about, even the ones that make people uncomfortable or are surrounded by strong feelings. Money fits into both of these categories as it is something that pretty much everyone has an opinion on and a relationship with, like it or not.

Of course, I do not have such open conversations with everyone, but I have found that over the last few years I have expanded the diameter of the circle with whom I would speak, and increased the depth I am willing to go. What I have also noticed is that while it heavily influences my life, as it does most of us, I am more disconnected from it, even though it likely takes up more of my thought than it did earlier.

The reason it takes more thought is wholly due to Steem, as over the last three years, I have become somewhat of an investor in not only the financial sense, but also the social experience. This means considering the impacts and opportunities of various value streams and how they flow through and affect the community.

The disconnection however is that I now have the sense that money doesn't happen to me, it is something I have some control over and can affect. After spending time working and writing here, I have more agency in my relationship with money and that has led me to change my behavior to come more in line with my thinking, that is, money is a tool.

It is easy to say that "money doesn't make you happy", but as I have said since a child, it sure makes being sad better. But, that was also the position of a poor kid without much economic availability or supported opportunity. The position of a scarcity mindset that I still struggle with in many ways and why earlier in life I was far less risk taking, but still had the "have a sunny day today" attitude, instead of saving for the rainy days. That position will lead to reliance on others eventually.

But, now that my mind on my money and my money on mind is treated as the relationship between tool and operator, I find that I can talk about it from a usage perspective with much more comfort, even if I do not talk about the outcomes of it. For example, today I was talking about the potential house we are looking at, the loan challenges, the risks and issues if we are unable to manage and our plans if it does all fall in a heap. When I was asked for clarification, I answered truthfully and gave information that would normally be omitted.

What I have found in this approach is that there is a high degree of reciprocity forthcoming due to my own openness and, there is also the feeling of relief from participants. Culturally, talking about money is frowned upon at the best of times, but due to the universal nature of its influence,near everyone struggles at some stage, if not, most stages. Once they have a chance to discuss and speak openly themselves, it is like years of repression get lifted and a light gets shone onto their financial darkness.

I think that there is a great deal of value in this process and feel that those with which I have had the deeper conversations with, feel the benefits too. Many of these people aren't struggling in the same way my wife and I are and some are doing very well indeed, but the lack of discourse surrounding personal finance means that whatever they think and feel, gets bottled up. Once the cork comes out, they have the chance to voice and then reflect on their positions and in so doing, come to terms with pains and even be grateful for what they have.

As social animals, we are likely hardwired for conversation with one side allowing us to collaborate to build, and the other likely supportive of our own mental health, with discussion having a cleansing and healing effect. These relationships we form, whether long-term or brief and transitory, can be very important for our own self-development and likely why we crave interaction. It is probably why bartenders and hairdressers hear so many sob stories, as people feel they can talk some things to a stranger, they would never say to those who are close.

But, why not? It is interesting as when it comes to what will likely hold the most value, it will be the discussion with those who know us, understand something about us and perhaps even care about us in some way - the people who aren't strangers. Yet, we might hide ourselves the most from those people, those same people who are invested in our outcomes too.

Again, while do not only talk about money with these people and I do not go into details with everyone, I have found that there is value in the lack of transparency and cultural restriction. Personally, I have learned a lot from people who would normally not speak of these things at all, and perhaps they have learned a thing or two from me also. This is a relationship of win-wins.

I do think that part of the cultural aversion to talking about personal finance is driven by a hijacking of the conversation by creating mistrust and a fear of cost for speaking openly. As said, social animals who talk together to collaborate and build are dangerous for just that reason. When we look at the value of data these days and how few hands actually control it, we can see how important it is for the transfer of information and the surest way to control a group, is to compartmentalize them and make it culturally punishable to speak freely.

Divide and conquer, rather than encourage cooperation and growth. I think that in time, Steem, blockchain and cryptocurrencies are going to raise plenty of discussions and realign not only the way we manage our values, but talk about them with others.

How about you, has the way you talk about money with others changed in any way? Should it?

Taraz [ a Steem original ]