I am broken. Part 1

Damaged or altered by or as if by breaking source

To crush the spirit of source

I am not sure if this will be one post or a series of posts. With all the positivity, blunt hard love, posts I have been giving you and I going to share with you the fact that in truth I am a broken man. And how Hive, in particular, CTPTalk, WeAreAliveTribe and Leo Finance is contributing to my well-being.

Although I may be broken does not mean that I stop or I have failed in life. It means I have to work harder at being the best I can be, and being more positive than I really feel. And that leads to being more positive.

When did it happen? It was not overnight. I did notice it happening over time. But I can assure you that it started eight and a half years ago when my wife was first diagnosed with bowel cancer.

It is crushing when you receive the news. The places your mind goes in unbelievable. You try to make sense of things. I believe it is the brains way of dealing with.

I was off work at the time as I was recovering from a work accident and you start to rationalize that things happen for a reason. I was off work, my accident happened so I would have time to look after my wife.

I am not a believer in ‘things happen for a reason’. I know many will disagree with me, but I believe things just happen. There is no karma. My wife did not get cancer because of anything she did or did not do in life. In her case it is genetic. Many family members have had it. A genetic defect you could call it.

In the end, it really does not matter does it. It has happened, we have to deal with it, we have to live and die with it.

The first indication that I can think of that manifested itself to show me that I am broken is my love of music. I now basically hate music. If I am listening to the radio (I know listen to talk radio) and a they tell me or a song comes on I quickly turn off the radio. I find that music and most singing now is just noise to me. There is not enjoyment and mostly bothersome.

Now I can still listen to some music from earlier in my life so I had to investigate that.

From Why Are We Obsessed With Our Teenage Music?

“Findings showed that music that charted during one's adolescence was rated as more failure and was also linked with more autobiographical memories. Music related reminiscence bump peaks at roughly age14. Popular songs when participants were this age overall evoked the most memories.

Adult participants roughly 40+ years old liked more songs from their teenage years than other songs. But younger adults aged 18-40 did not exhibit the same trend. In some cases gave lower liking ratings to music from their teenage years that music released before they were born.

The findings suggest that songs from our teenage years can become closely entangled with important memories from our past even if we personally do not value the music. This may be due to the accompanied various memorable settings in this period such as gatherings of friends, school dances, and graduations.’

So it would seem that there is an association between the love of music and what you are going through in your life. Make some sense to me. What about you?

Maybe I should try listening to some new music while writing blog posts for Hive. As Hive is always a positive experience for me, my brain might start associating that with some songs and I can get some love of music back from this decade.

)

Bradley
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